Well, it's been a few months since I've had a life event significant enough to want to spend time talking about me. That all changed three weeks ago.
Three weeks ago Megan and I started packing up our life in California. The decision was finally made that we had a good run, but we needed to be closer to our families. After a few months of planning, the trip was finalized for mid-January. TMI actually had need of me back in Pittsburgh, so the transition was made easier for us financially. On January 11, my sister and mother-in-law flew out the Southern California to help Megan and I finish packing and cleaning, then hang with us as we drove across the country.
We left California mid-morning on January 13, heading east. We had a brief stop that day at the Grand Canyon, and that was one of the most breathtaking sights of my life. I only wish we had arrived a bit sooner so we could have spent more time there.
We drove about 10 hours a day and stopped each night, so we finally made it back into Western Pennsylvania on Saturday, January 16. It was a heck of a trip and I am glad I had someone to share the car with me. If Bekah hadn't flown out I'd have had to drive back solo, so I can't describe how grateful I am for her giving up that week to sit in a cramped car with me.
I started working again straight away on January 18 after what felt like an incredibly packed Saturday evening and Sunday.
I've been here for two weeks now, and it's so crazy how quickly things come back to you when you're home. Roads I haven't driven on in years are still so familiar. Places I haven't thought about since I left pull me in ways I haven't felt since moving west. I want to see things that I know will look exactly like they did two years ago, just to know that my memories are still correct. I want to visit everything and everyone I may not have even thought of in my time away.
It's strange how it feels as if no time has passed. There was a small reception with my family the first weekend, but after that life just moved forward as if we had only been gone a week or two. Even at work, I found that things just rolled right along as if I hadn't really been gone for two years. If it weren't for how much older my nieces and nephews have gotten and how many new faces I see at work, I may begin to wonder if perhaps my California adventure was just a dream.
There is one thing that brings me back to reality, though. Megan and I are currently living with my dad. That, by itself, wouldn't be such a bad thing since he's hardly here. However, Bekah went through some relationship turmoil very shortly after returning with me, and she is now also living with my dad. Along with Bekah comes Aniela, and suddenly there are five people and three animals all living in an apartment that is just a bit two small for two people. Thankfully, Megan and I will be moving into mom's place this weekend with the arrival of our belongings. I wish we could get a place of our own, but until we get our finances straightened up, that's just not going to be doable.
A few things of note. First, as noted in the last paragraph, we did not drive our belongings across the country. We rented what are called U-Boxes and had them hauled across the country for us. I still think we made the correct decision as the drive was difficult enough in my own vehicle; however, the size of the boxes and the wait time associated with their delivery has been a bit of a hassle. The quoting agent at U-Haul assured me that two U-Boxes were equivalent to a single 15' box truck. I concede that each box is 7.5' long and roughly similar in height. The width of each box, though, coming in at 5', is much smaller than that of a box truck. Thus I had significantly less volume to fill, and we ended up having to re-pack a lot of things, and throw away a good bit more. Megan had a bit of a panic attack at the amount of stuff we had to throw away, but we didn't have much of a choice because a third box significantly changed our expected budget.
Second, while I'm speaking of Megan, I must note that she has already begun working. That first day that I returned to work, she had an interview at David's Bridal, where she was hired. She began working earlier this week and is loving being out of the house again. To make matters better, she had a second interview just yesterday at our credit union, and she felt it went very well. By this time next month she may very well have two part time jobs. I think she's trying to make up for lost time.
I'm hoping to get going again with tutoring soon. I was really enjoying tutoring out west and I hope to establish a decent client base here in Beaver County. If anyone is looking for a math tutor or knows someone who is, give me a shout or check out my profile on Wyzant.
Well, that's what's new and exciting in my life. Maybe now that I'm home I'll have more goings-on to report. I will be sure to report back here if I do.
Friday, January 29
Tuesday, September 22
This Long Weekend
On September 4, 2015, my second cousin, Kaiden, was born in Ohio. It was a day of celebration, and I was able to enjoy this time with my family from Idaho through the magic of the internet. I was able to see images of Kaiden meeting his Aunts, Uncle, cousins, grand parents, great-grand parents, etc, on Facebook. To be fair, I've never been particularly close to Megan, my cousin and Kaiden's mother, due to her immediate family's lack of proximity to my immediate family. That's only been exacerbated by my relatively recent move to the west coast. However, through Facebook and other internet means I've been attempting to establish more of a family dynamic that I was unable to achieve as a child.
On September 6, 2015, on my drive home from Idaho to sunny Southern California, I received a phone call from my father that Kaiden had suffered a heart failure due to a condition that he was born with, and that he was no longer with us. This colored not only the remainder of my evening, but the next few days as I attempted to come to grips with something so horrifying. Kaiden was just born; I hadn't even had the chance to meet him yet. All I knew of him were photos I had seen on Facebook where he and his family had looked so happy. I didn't know how to process this "loss," as I can hardly consider it a loss. I mean, frankly, I never knew him, so how could I "lose" something I never really had?
On September 8, 2015, I was informed that there would be services held for Kaiden in Ohio three days hence in the event that I wanted to send condolences in the form of a card of flowers. I agonized over what to do. I spent the evening looking up etiquette for this kind of situation (as it so happens, there's a lot of different suggestions on the internet), but nothing seemed to fit how I was feeling. I had spoken to my wife about sending a basket of flowers, but something about that just seemed...removed. I don't know how to describe it. After a little bit of maneuvering, I was able to find a flight to Pennsylvania for the 10th that would return on the 13th, and I decided that was my best course of action.
On September 9, 2015, I purchased my plane ticket, hastily packed my bag, and prepared to leave early the next day.
Early in the day on September 10, 2015, I left the house for the airport. I had an arduous day attempting to fly back to Pennsylvania due to some weather, but I finally arrived at 3:30 am on the morning of September 11, the day of the funeral. I spent the day with my sister and my niece, then met the rest of my family at a dinner held by Megan's church prior to the viewing. It was nice catching up with everyone, even given the circumstances.
The circumstances, though, were substantial. Megan was at the dinner, and I couldn't so much as say, "I'm sorry for your loss." Does anyone else think that just sounds hackneyed and disingenuous? What can I honestly say in this situation? I cannot imagine the kind of pain that Megan is dealing with. I cannot begin to describe what kind of emotions she must be dealing with. Hell, I can't even fully describe my own emotions right now.
Following the dinner we drove as a family to the funeral home, where I found they had prepared an open casket. I can say, with all honesty, that nothing made me quite so angry as that casket and what it contained. To begin, I didn't even know they made caskets so small. It honestly looked like a piece of luggage with metal sides. I couldn't stop looking at it and comparing its size to that of my own carry-on suitcase that I had taken on the plane with me. Worse, though, was that the casket was open, and Kaiden was displayed...poorly. I don't know anything about embalming, and preparing a two day old infant for a funeral ceremony is something I can hardly fathom, but I can tell you that whomever prepared Kaiden did not do very well. His skin was cracking and dry. There appeared to be a white powder flaking off his face in various places. All in all, my second cousin who had lived for only two days looked like nothing more than a baby doll that had been left in the sun, being buried in a carry-on bag.
I swallowed my absolute anger and disgust at this sight and attempted to give my condolences once again to Megan. I failed again and was only able to offer a hug. Frankly, I'm writing this a week and a half later and I still don't know what to say to Megan.
As the service began, the reverend seemed mostly at a loss for what to say. I couldn't believe just how trite must of what he said sounded, and yet I've had few other emotion experiences quite as strong as that. By the end I couldn't contain myself; I was weeping openly and had to excuse myself from the building to try and get control.
On September 12, 2015, Kaiden was buried, exactly 8 days after he had been born. The small burial service held that morning was only for family. I felt that I was intruding. I had nothing new to say to Megan, so I offered her one more hug. The service was mostly a repeat of the previous evening, only made more awkward because of the fact that we were in a cemetery situated beside a fire station that was quite active on that particular morning. Once the service was complete, all of us who felt that we were intruding left to allow Megan and Josh a chance to say their good byes. This was mostly my immediate family, as well as my Uncle Rick and his sons, since the rest of the people there were Megan, her immediate family, as well as Josh (the father), and his immediate family.
We went to retrieve the tree that we had all agreed was a good gesture in this situation. There was a long email chain in which roughly 8-10 of us argued over protocol in cases like this one, which no one could really agree on. Eventually, though, someone forced an executive decision, and we purchased a tree. The rest of us agreed that would be OK, so as Kaiden was being buried, we were loading an Eastern Red Maple sapling into the back of my Uncle Rick's SUV.
The tree turned out to be perfect. For many reasons, it really seemed to bring us closer to Megan and her family. Her father is incredibly outdoorsy, so the idea of planting and caring for a sapling appealed to him. Her younger brother looked up how big it was supposed to get and looked forward to seeing it grow to full size in 21 years, which he calculated. We all bonded over a story of a tree that was planted when my Aunt Shawna was born, which still stands at the farm her and her brothers and sister grew up on. What made it perfect, though, was that when we gave the tree to Megan, I saw her smile for the first time all weekend. It wasn't a big smile, but it was enough to really break through and show us all that, someday, she would be able to get through this pain.
I needed to write this because, as I mentioned, I still don't know how to cope with how I've been feeling. When I began, my feelings were much stronger, though, and now, days later when I am able to finish, I see that my emotions have shifted on to other things. Already this event seems like a distant memory lost in a dream that may not even be real. I don't want to forget Kaiden, though, because he has made me realize that there are some things that transcend distance and can bring a family together. I've got to learn to be closer to my family, even if they're 2000 miles away. The other reason I wrote this was because I thought if I put this on paper, I could sort out how I was feeling and come up with something to say to Megan that didn't sound so banal. Unfortunately, that is where I failed, likely due to how long it took me to write this post.
Either way, I ask that each of you stop and read Kaiden's obituary, and remember him and his family.
On September 6, 2015, on my drive home from Idaho to sunny Southern California, I received a phone call from my father that Kaiden had suffered a heart failure due to a condition that he was born with, and that he was no longer with us. This colored not only the remainder of my evening, but the next few days as I attempted to come to grips with something so horrifying. Kaiden was just born; I hadn't even had the chance to meet him yet. All I knew of him were photos I had seen on Facebook where he and his family had looked so happy. I didn't know how to process this "loss," as I can hardly consider it a loss. I mean, frankly, I never knew him, so how could I "lose" something I never really had?
On September 8, 2015, I was informed that there would be services held for Kaiden in Ohio three days hence in the event that I wanted to send condolences in the form of a card of flowers. I agonized over what to do. I spent the evening looking up etiquette for this kind of situation (as it so happens, there's a lot of different suggestions on the internet), but nothing seemed to fit how I was feeling. I had spoken to my wife about sending a basket of flowers, but something about that just seemed...removed. I don't know how to describe it. After a little bit of maneuvering, I was able to find a flight to Pennsylvania for the 10th that would return on the 13th, and I decided that was my best course of action.
On September 9, 2015, I purchased my plane ticket, hastily packed my bag, and prepared to leave early the next day.
Early in the day on September 10, 2015, I left the house for the airport. I had an arduous day attempting to fly back to Pennsylvania due to some weather, but I finally arrived at 3:30 am on the morning of September 11, the day of the funeral. I spent the day with my sister and my niece, then met the rest of my family at a dinner held by Megan's church prior to the viewing. It was nice catching up with everyone, even given the circumstances.
The circumstances, though, were substantial. Megan was at the dinner, and I couldn't so much as say, "I'm sorry for your loss." Does anyone else think that just sounds hackneyed and disingenuous? What can I honestly say in this situation? I cannot imagine the kind of pain that Megan is dealing with. I cannot begin to describe what kind of emotions she must be dealing with. Hell, I can't even fully describe my own emotions right now.
Following the dinner we drove as a family to the funeral home, where I found they had prepared an open casket. I can say, with all honesty, that nothing made me quite so angry as that casket and what it contained. To begin, I didn't even know they made caskets so small. It honestly looked like a piece of luggage with metal sides. I couldn't stop looking at it and comparing its size to that of my own carry-on suitcase that I had taken on the plane with me. Worse, though, was that the casket was open, and Kaiden was displayed...poorly. I don't know anything about embalming, and preparing a two day old infant for a funeral ceremony is something I can hardly fathom, but I can tell you that whomever prepared Kaiden did not do very well. His skin was cracking and dry. There appeared to be a white powder flaking off his face in various places. All in all, my second cousin who had lived for only two days looked like nothing more than a baby doll that had been left in the sun, being buried in a carry-on bag.
I swallowed my absolute anger and disgust at this sight and attempted to give my condolences once again to Megan. I failed again and was only able to offer a hug. Frankly, I'm writing this a week and a half later and I still don't know what to say to Megan.
As the service began, the reverend seemed mostly at a loss for what to say. I couldn't believe just how trite must of what he said sounded, and yet I've had few other emotion experiences quite as strong as that. By the end I couldn't contain myself; I was weeping openly and had to excuse myself from the building to try and get control.
On September 12, 2015, Kaiden was buried, exactly 8 days after he had been born. The small burial service held that morning was only for family. I felt that I was intruding. I had nothing new to say to Megan, so I offered her one more hug. The service was mostly a repeat of the previous evening, only made more awkward because of the fact that we were in a cemetery situated beside a fire station that was quite active on that particular morning. Once the service was complete, all of us who felt that we were intruding left to allow Megan and Josh a chance to say their good byes. This was mostly my immediate family, as well as my Uncle Rick and his sons, since the rest of the people there were Megan, her immediate family, as well as Josh (the father), and his immediate family.
We went to retrieve the tree that we had all agreed was a good gesture in this situation. There was a long email chain in which roughly 8-10 of us argued over protocol in cases like this one, which no one could really agree on. Eventually, though, someone forced an executive decision, and we purchased a tree. The rest of us agreed that would be OK, so as Kaiden was being buried, we were loading an Eastern Red Maple sapling into the back of my Uncle Rick's SUV.
The tree turned out to be perfect. For many reasons, it really seemed to bring us closer to Megan and her family. Her father is incredibly outdoorsy, so the idea of planting and caring for a sapling appealed to him. Her younger brother looked up how big it was supposed to get and looked forward to seeing it grow to full size in 21 years, which he calculated. We all bonded over a story of a tree that was planted when my Aunt Shawna was born, which still stands at the farm her and her brothers and sister grew up on. What made it perfect, though, was that when we gave the tree to Megan, I saw her smile for the first time all weekend. It wasn't a big smile, but it was enough to really break through and show us all that, someday, she would be able to get through this pain.
I needed to write this because, as I mentioned, I still don't know how to cope with how I've been feeling. When I began, my feelings were much stronger, though, and now, days later when I am able to finish, I see that my emotions have shifted on to other things. Already this event seems like a distant memory lost in a dream that may not even be real. I don't want to forget Kaiden, though, because he has made me realize that there are some things that transcend distance and can bring a family together. I've got to learn to be closer to my family, even if they're 2000 miles away. The other reason I wrote this was because I thought if I put this on paper, I could sort out how I was feeling and come up with something to say to Megan that didn't sound so banal. Unfortunately, that is where I failed, likely due to how long it took me to write this post.
Either way, I ask that each of you stop and read Kaiden's obituary, and remember him and his family.
Saturday, February 15
Finally Moved In
Well mostly.
Our stuff finally arrived on Monday. So did Megan, Wren, and Boswell.
Megan and I have been slowly unpacking. A lot has gone counter to what I intended. Our stuff barely got here Monday, which was the last day for it to arrive. I had to call in and basically make them bring my stuff late in the day. My car didn't even arrive until the next day. Wren had an accident in his carrier at some point. Boswell couldn't fly on the same plane as Megan and we had to ship him separately. We didn't think he was even going to make it out here the same day. One of our bookcases broke in the move, and so did the washing machine. The washing machine is fixable; the part is on the way already. The bookcase will have to be replaced. My brand new tool set that Allen got me for Christmas is missing.
But things haven't been all bad. I'm so happy to have Megan here. The weather here is just beautiful. I've been spending as much time as possible outdoors. I was going to ride my bike to work, but the last time I rode it I must have run something over because now the back tire is flat. It's going to be fun to fix.
On Thursday Megan and I went out for dinner at a place called the Elephant Bar. I won a gift card at an open house I went to last month. The food was great. We will probably go back sometime.
I've been slowly learning the area and learning my place at Simplex. I went to visit a vendor the other day and people were calling me asking for help. It felt strange to have people need me that much. I was never as important at TMI. I've been trying to learn as much as I can about Simplex's products; they're very different from TMI. I have gotten some of the easier products down, but the extremely custom enclosures we do are very difficult to learn.
All in all, I am extremely excited to be in California. I hope things start to work out a little easier.
Finally, I hope I have time to get into politics here because this state is awful politically speaking. A ton of people want to live here, and that translates to a lot of cultural diversity. The diversity is fresh and interesting, but I can't seem to understand how that translates to such a liberal, overpowering state government.
Oh well, that's a bridge I'll cross when I have the opportunity.
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