They say life is full of changes.
Well, lately that seems to be the case for me. I have recently (two days ago) stopped working for Walmart, and tomorrow (or today if I don't finish this post soon) I start a new job at a company called ServiceLink. I will no longer be working in retail. No longer will I have to deal with customers. Now I will be working with a computer, at a desk. My job title is Searcher, though I'm not sure as yet what all it entails. I will learn; I'm quite good at learning.
I have also recently (yesterday I think?) signed a lease for a new apartment. I will be living with my father again for the next year, but this time he will be my roommate. In a strange turn of events, we both needed a new place at about the same time.
Oh, I guess that requires an explanation. After trying as hard as I could to keep my relationship with Megan working this summer, her and I have broken up. The fact was neither of us was happy with the other person, nor had we been for some time. Things were not getting better between us...and so I'm single again.
I really don't know what to say about that. Embarrassingly enough, what I miss most right now is my dog. I've been staying with my mother, and Ollie, who I purchased and whose training I began three years ago before I left for school, is no longer my dog. I have come to realize this over the years when I am home from school, but never as much as these past few days (weeks? I can't remember how long I've been here now...maybe a week...). But anyhow, Ollie is now definitely Jeff's dog. I have no doubt that Ollie still loves me, and he does still listen to me, but he is a different dog than when I first met him. He doesn't act as he once did because of all the time he has spent here.
I know that sounds ridiculous, but at this point I wouldn't want to take Ollie with me even if I could. I miss Viggo. He was my dog. He acts the way he does because of the time he has spent with me and the efforts I have put into training him. He still has some trouble (the worst of which is his separation anxiety), but I love him to death and he is too cute for me to stay mad at for long. The worst part about moving out of Megan's apartment has so far been that I don't get to see Viggo. It's not that I'm not allowed; in fact, Megan has already asked me multiple times to go over and take him for walks and spend time with him. No. The problem is that I don't feel comfortable in that apartment anymore. I am an intruder and it upsets me just to be there.
Yesterday, though, things started to sink in. I have a new job and a new apartment, and yet I don't feel very happy about either. The new job is nice, but I have no one to celebrate with. The new apartment is nice, too, but I'm not moving with her.
She was my life. Every life decision for the past three years have involved my future with her. Now I don't know what to do. What future is left? She was supposed to be there. She was supposed to be forever.
Starting over...I never realized how painful it would be.
And I don't know how to move on.
And I still miss my dog. I sound like a bad song.
